Walking on the path from the bus stop to home, I came to the conclusion that I was so
sick with all that happening in my life. I was bored with this path, never finding any interesting things about it. It also forced me to take a very long distance until my legs were weary after walking constantly for 30 minutes. [Awkward]
Oh, then the repeated annoying sounds from the remnants market never gave my poor ears some
rest. Day after day, I used to step as hastily as possible to go home, screaming in my mind: “Please, let [leave] me alone. All is annoyances, isn’t it?”[Awkward]
The splashes of bright smile
The fervent glint in the eyes
Dissolving in exploded laughter
The little children
They scuttled along
Running after them, I catch them
And burst into laughter…
It has been 2 years from the first time I came there, a small school for disabled children in Ha Dong town. And Phan Anh, my favorite, would drag me into the school-yard with my hand and then ask me to carry him on my back, walking around the small school at least ten rounds a day.
We never got tired of it. It was a game. He would embrace my neck, pointing his little finger to the frail sunlight penetrating through the leaf canopies: “Oh, There are flowers of light. Do you see it?” he giggled. Raising his hand to catch the magic argent sunshine, he smiled. I always burst out laughing when hearing him chatter incessantly about his creative inventions. “This is a tree friend,” he said. I put my ears close to the rough tree-trunk, hearing the soothing music of rising wind, feeling the strong flow of sap nourishing the tree. And I smiled.
elapsed, silently and peacefully. One day, when stepping into this small school, I didn’t see Phan Anh run into my arms, embracing my neck as usual. “Where is Phan Anh?” I asked a baby sitter. “His disease was recrudesced. He was moved to the special-care room over there. I don’t know whether he could overcome this time. I’m so sorry,” she said. A limbering [there is a loosening sensation in your throat? And it choked on your throat? So...is this sensation eating your throat? Be more specific and accurate.]
sensation constantly surged up, choked on my throat. My mind went blank. My knee flopped onto the ground.” No, it’s not true. No!” I screamed. Standing up immediately, I just
run as hastily as I could to go to the special-cared room. I went through between
two rows of beds – on which lay disabled children in their
life-threatening conditions. Clutching his hand firmly, I asked: “Are you hurt?” He shook his head, laughing softly and asking me to sing. Looking at the imploring eyes, the gaunt shoulder sometimes trembling with panic; I couldn’t conceal my cheeks which were wet with tears. Still clutching his hand like this, I sang his favorite song.
Dad would be the wings
To bring you upon those stars
And the clouds are far behind you
He lifts you high
To touch the blue sky
All day long.
Like reminiscing the familiar melody, he pulled my cheek closer to him while muttering the lyrics of the song. There seemed to be an unexpected thing stuck in my throat, strangling my tender heart. Everything became blurred. My eyes were stung. Tears burst out uncontrollably. But I still sang for him like that for hours, without pause
. And after this moment, once a week; whatever happened, I would be there to sing for him, protecting him from the torment panics, conveying to him my faith, my cherishing love. I would still carry him on my back, wandering around this small school. I would point out
to him the miraculous flowers of light, the strong flow of sap penetrating perpetually in that tree-trunk friend. And he would be alive.
Right now, when wandering in a familiar path from the bus stop to home after visiting him, I let my mind roams with some thoughts about Phan Anh, his life and my life. Actually, my life is like this path – which is very long and whether I want to or not I still have to keep moving forward. Stepping up on this road, I see it covered with fall rustling leaves, the feeble light from streetlamps softened in tranquil remnants market sounds. I see an old man standing on the other side of the road. Almost people just go through and don’t mind what he is doing. But I do. I observe him pursing his lips, knitting brows to gather up all energy to pump air into a bicycle’s tire. Wiping beads of sweat in his forehead, he smiles. I suddenly realize that circumstances are just a small part; the most important thing is my perspective on them. If I put everything on the supercilious eyes, I won’t understand. If I see this path and it is long and noisy with the incessant sounds from people in the market; I would never see the fall of rustling leaves, the tranquil fragile light from streetlamps fading out the sounds of the sunset – which seems to linger at the reddish horizon. And I want to smile with everything, each moment I am lucky to experience. From the bottom of my heart, I will catch them; the beauty of sunlight flowers, the hidden strength of the gum flow silently bringing up the whole tree or the wrinkled smile of an old man toiling away a living day after day. Everything happens in my life. I will hold it because it’s life and it deserves to be revered.
And each moment, each second, each minute, I won’t let them elapse meaninglessly. I will unhesitatingly raise my hand to catch my moments like the way Phan Anh caught the miraculous argent light of sunshine, the way he pulled my cheeks closer to him and muttered the lyrics of the song. I smile: “Actually, everything is there, in this path. Nothing changes except for my perspective on it.”
Conventions and grammar: Some grammar errors, some I fixed and others I left alone. Remember to proofread more meticulously. There are also a number of awkward sentences that you should rephrase to make them sound natural to a native English speaker. Awkward sentences are in green. The events that happen in this essay seem to be past tense, yet you use present tense on many occasions. I know that as you write you are replaying the scene in your mind so that, to you, it is 'happening' – but not in reality. Be sure that everything that should be in past tense is in past tense.
Content: I don't see any glaring issues and your topic is very touching. It is really just your word choice and sentence structure that needs work.