Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn

Business management comes to me as the task of building a corporation which should be carefully planned and structured and devote to the community. I am a follower of a strong network and connection between different fileds in business. A strong business should not maintain individually but should stand as a chain. And the reason that I decide to go to Wharton is to build up that chain.
Two years ago [indicator that everything from THIS POINT ON should be written in past tense. Starting now. DOUBLE CHECK ALL VERBS], when the trend of starting a small business has not started yet in Vietnamese high school student, I am a quirky student who also has a dream of running a business to earn money to please my money-greed. But at that time I stand in the middle of nowhere near to that field. Having also an interest in Science, I started a Science Club at which we made rockets, chemical bombs and robots to satisfy our passion. Once we developed some improvement for our model, the President of the Club and I began to sell our products to students in Hanoi high schools.

At first our customers were mainly students in the schools who were attracted to our Science fair at school. Then the soaring optimism tricked us as we decided expand our business to other schools. But the lack of change in the model and structure is very difficult to the whole club. Three months later, we have to stop our business as it was waste of time and materials as the number of customers bought our products decreases. After the fall of my first business, I thought that the lack of variety of products was the reasons why customers are likely to get bored with ours.

Then the second chance came as the demand for books and learning tools in our school was in high as books in the library were unavailable to students and we changed to our new schools. Our group of friends continues with our dream of running a successful business. This time we created a stronger connection with friends as we tried to contact our peers from many high schools in Hanoi. At the same time, we tried to allure peers who were now also running a business in fields of arts by drawing pictures and making bookmarks for students in the city to join ours. After a long time running this business, the board of nine people of which I am the leader has a lot of marketing strategy such as: giving free tools if they buy a particular number of books, sculpturing rulers and pen, and making stick notes for books. Merging two unrelated businesses and developing connection is the key of a successful business.

Applying to Wharton school of Business, everything I can bring is my experience from my business which cannot prosper fully in this essay [Making excuses. Quit that. And off topic. Quit that too.] But in the immense community of Wharton School of Business, with amazing business courses in Entrepreneurship and Innovation specialization of Management concentration which I would love to take [a redundant aside. It's obvious you want to take these courses, you mention them.], I can go out to the world to set up my new corporation in the field of food processing which was a legacy from my father to provide the community with fantastic and beneficial products. What I can receive to prepare for my future career and value is not just the economics and business knowledge from the best school of business in the world but the way to think critically in dealing with real-world problems.

In the information session in Vietnam, Mrs. Lizo brought me new perspective about the way University of Pennsylvania students influenced each other in the place where they both compete and cooperate to make a balanced society. I was so stunned when I heard the story of a student who went to his roommate’s country to work. Although most of Wharton students want to go to an investment bank to work in the finance field, I still believe that in the immense community and alumni network, I can get support from people who share a same idea of running a business in technology. I dream of expanding a business to the world level and merging different business in different fields to build up a structured and horizontal business. In that dream, my business in Vietnam can bring benefits to the community as in an experience from my books business; the last long business is the one which brings benefits to the community before getting profits. At that time, the connection at Wharton is beneficial when peers from food industry will help me to give it all over the world. The food services and hotel/restaurant kids are amazing to make our products available to the world. Then I want to make a horizontal business which I can maximize the most benefits to my corporation and the society.

[Boring essay that answers the prompt laundry list style. First, you talk about what you've already done. Second, you consider your undergraduate specific school. Third, you consider the broader community. Fourth, you discuss academic explorations. Fifth, you discuss extracurricular paths. Goes in the exact pattern of the prompt and doesn't really show much writing flexibility.
Sorry, but I'm so bored I can't even make myself pay attention to what you're trying to tell me. All I remember is that you want to explore networking and business entrepreneurship.]

Never ever write a grocery list essay.

Written by: TB - Reviewed by:vha08