Being a Medicine staff is the biggest dream of my life.

QuiAnLe

Thành viên mới
#1
Chu oi, day la bai viet cua chau, mong duoc chu doc va gop y cho chau, cam on chu nhieu lam!!! :1::1::1:

Being a Medicine staff is the biggest dream of my life.

Did you remember your dream about your career in the future when you were young?

No one could deny that they didn’t have a dream about their career in the future when they were young. As I was young, I dreamed that one day I could become a medicine staff. And that dream became more vehement since 2000. Seeing my grandfather had to face with a Liver disease made me more indulge in medicine. One day, his health had something bad so he had to go to the hospital immediately. Even at night, after all busy day, they aided my grandfather very carefully and found out the cause of his disease. Unfortunately, my grandfather's disease doesn't have absolute cure. At the age of over 50, it was not easy for my grandfather to overcome this disease. The disease usually maltreated him. I knew that he was very ill and tired. Seeing he was hurt and his health became weaker and weaker made me was hurt, too. But I didn’t know what to do for him. The hope that in the future the liver-disease patients may have absolute cure made me more and more interested in Medicine. In addition, fortunately, by the careful treatment of medicine staff, although his disease could not be treated, it became better. Every month, he has to go to the hospital to re-exam. Going to the hospital with my grandfather, the hospital becomes familiar with me and I had a chance to observe the life of patients in the hospital. Because of the busy life, some of patients didn’t have visitors therefore doctors and nurses became the people who took care of them and greeted with them every day. They took care of the patients carefully as they were members of their family. At that moment, I admired them and I knew that working as a medicine staff was a great and wonderful career. Helping people healthier and happier is a fantastic thing.

Nowadays, there are a plenty of diseases that don’t have exactly causes and cures such as HIV, AIDS, Cancer, Elephantiasis, Pica, Hypertrichosis, Capgras delusion, Cotard’s Syndrome, Progeria, Moebius Syndrome… Every day on newspaper, there are many people who have diseases. To rescue they have to spend a lot of money. Some of them have to live in the hospital and spend almost all of their life on the beds. Some of them made a lot of touching stories. Do you know the story that was about Jayla Cooper - A little 9-year-old girl had a dangerous leukemia? After two years of tireless treatment, as a result, she just could only survive in a few weeks. I am so emotive when I read this story. I feel so terrible that children like Jayla Cooper have to live as much as they race against the hour glass. A part of being a kid is the joy of endless possibilities ahead, and should not be about setting a time limit on life…

Currently techniques and sciences are developing with very high speed however there still has many people don’t know much about Medicine. They don’t know correctly about their health and don’t know what to do when their health have a problem. In my country – Vietnam, there is a girl. Because of a poor family and the ignorance, while she had a uterine cancer, she didn’t know what to do. Consequently, at the age of 15, she had a hysterectomy and cannot have a chance to be a mother. All over the world, in some places, the living conditions are so low thus they don’t have more opportunities to expose the new medicine. In Africa, a child dies every three seconds from AIDS and extreme poverty, often before their fifth birthday. About 65% (nearly 2/3) of the world's HIV-positive population live in Sub-Saharan Africa. Women most Affected. More than 50 percent of Africans suffer from water-related diseases such as cholera and infant diarrhea…

Seeing some children cannot play and some people cannot live a happy life as a usual person makes me feel very upset. “What could I do for them? “ It is always my question when I read about their story. I hope that I can help them even though it is just a small thing. The dream that becomes a medicine staff always exists in my mind. While I was in high-school, I realized my passion for Biology, especially for human genetics. I tried my best in order to have knowledge, get good mark and to be able to attend to a Medicine school. If I can, I will study hard in order to research and find out causes and cures of the diseases. I know that is not an easy thing but that is all things I want and I will try hard to make it come true.
 
#2
Ðề: Being a Medicine staff is the biggest dream of my life.

Did you remember your dream about your career in the future when you were young?

When I was young, I dreamed that one day I would become a doctor. And that dream became bigger since 2000. Seeing my grandfather face a liver disease made me more indulge in medicine. One day, his health got worse so he had to go to the hospital immediately. Even at night, after all busy day, they aided my grandfather very carefully and found the cause of his disease. Unfortunately, my grandfather's disease didn’t have absolute cure [What is an absolute cure? You mean no cured]. At the age of over 50, it was not easy for my grandfather to overcome this disease. The disease usually maltreated him. I knew that he was very ill and tired. When I saw his pain and his weakened health, it made me hurt too. But I didn’t know what to do for him. The hope that in the future liver-disease patients may have a cure made me more and more interested in medicine. I tried to read and find information about disease and treatments.

Your opening statement is very boring like many others essays. Remember that the admission committees have thousand files to review. They will toss your application in the trash can without finish reading your essay. How about begin your story with an emergency scenario like rushing your grandfather to the hospital’s emergency room. You love your grandfather so much. But there is nothing you can do to help him, and by watching the medical personnel working toward rescue him, you admire them and you wish to be like one of them. Try to make it as short as you can.(no more than 120 words)

Fortunately, by the careful treatment of the medical staff, although his disease could not be treated, it became better. Every month, he had to go to the hospital for check- up [always have a dash for combine words - a hyphen]. Going to the hospital with my grandfather, the hospital became familiar to me and I had a chance to observe the patients in the hospital. Because of the busy lifestyle, some of patients didn’t have visitors so doctors and nurses became the people who took care of them and greeted them every day. They took care of the patients carefully as if they were members of their family. At that moment, I admired them and I knew that working as a medicine staff [Medical staff] was a great and wonderful career. Helping people become healthier and happier is a fantastic work. (1)

Every day in newspaper, I see many people who have diseases. To rescue they have to spend a lot of money. Some of them have to live in the hospital and spend most all of their lives in bed. Some of them have a lot of touching stories. There was the story that was about Jayla Cooper - A little 9-year-old girl who had a dangerous leukemia. After two years of tireless treatment, as a result, she just could only survive in a few weeks. That was pretty terrible. I was so emotional when I read this story. I thought a part of being a kid is the joy of endless possibilities ahead, and not be about setting a time limit on life. (2)

[Seeing sick people through the media does not have as strong effect as you see them with your own eye (real personal experiences). If you want to add the paragraph in green to your essay please combine (1) and (2). Use the sentence which I underline for the conclusion.]

Seeing my grandfather’s health became weaker and weaker, children unable to play and some people who cannot live a happy life as a healthy person makes me feel very upset. “What could I do to help them? “ It is always my question. I hope that I can help them even though it is just a small thing. While I was in high-school, I realized my passion for Biology, especially for genetics. Biology was also my best subject. In my class, we had a group of people who liked biology. When one of us had a hard problem, we always discussed and learned together. I had learned a lot from them. After school, I usually spent three or four hours reading and doing genetics exercises. I tried my best in order to have knowledge, get good mark and to be able to attend to medical school. The dream that becomes a doctor always existed in my mind. If I can, I will study hard in order to achieve my goal. I know it is not an easy thing but that is my dream and I will try hard in order to make it come true.

You need to show a detail plan how you are going to achieve your dream. Please remember getting accepted to medicine school is hard as hell. Why don’t you dream a little more modest (like being a nurse?)
Anyway this essay has showed, that your English has improved a lot in a short period, compare to your first draft. Keep up the good work
 

QuiAnLe

Thành viên mới
#3
Ðề: Being a Medicine staff is the biggest dream of my life.

Chu oi, con sua bai lai roi, chu doc va gop y cho con nha chu!!! Cam on chu nhieu!!!



- Grandfather, can I become a nurse?
- You can my dear!
- Can I? Really?
- Yes, you can. Try hard and you will receive a good result.
- Olala! Ok! I will be a nurse and at that time I can take care of patients, especially you!

That was a little conversation between my grandfather and me. I always remember it and hope that one day it will be real. It was an awful day that until now I couldn’t forget. That day, my grandfather’s health got bad so he had to go to the hospital immediately. Looking my grandfather was abed, he was so quiet made me more scare. A following day, after checking-up, we received a news about my grandfather’s disease. That was a bad news. My grandfather had hepatitis C and cirrhosis of liver.

My grandfather used to be very strong but now… His health became more and more weakly. I was so sad. I always thought about what I could do for him to make him felt better. Every day, after school, I always went to the hospital in order to visit my grandfather. At that time, as a 9-year-old girl I just tried hard to study and tried hard to be more obedient. I just wanted to make my grandfather felt happy. Going to the hospital, the hospital became familiar to me and I had a chance to observe the patients. Every day the nurses came on time, they gave out scheduled medications, helped the patients change clothes and assisted patients walk and go to the bathroom. They were very kind and friendly. They took care of the patients carefully as if patients were members of their family. At that moment, I admired them and I knew that working in medical branch was great and wonderful careers.

Since then, I’ve tried hard and after every school year, I got a good report card. In addition, I started to read some medical books. I remembered that the first book I read was “ Medical practical handbook tips ”. There were about many diseases. Some of them were very common. I used to get sick when I was a child. But I had never known why and how I caught them until I read this book. The more I read, the more interested I would. Day by day, my infatuation for medicine became bigger and bigger.

While I was in high-school, I realized my passion for Biology, especially for the field of genetics. Biology was also my best subject. I joined a group of people who had passion for Biology. I learned about how to analyze and solve problems, work independently as well as a part of team by doing exercises given by our professors. After school, I usually spent three or four hours reading and doing genetics exercises. Sometime, although I had a test, I still spent time researching Biology. Staying up late until one o’clock couldn’t make me fall asleep. Because doing whatever I liked made me was very excited.

I tried my best in order to have knowledge, get good score and be able to attend to medical school. Making joy, healthy and happiness for people is really a fantastic work. Becoming a nurse not only my dream but also my promise and it always exists in my mind. I know learning medical branch is really a challenge with many people. But having a dream and having a passion, I sure I can start walking on a hard street of medical branch. I will study hard in order to achieve my goal.