Chú vha08 giúp con coi bài này với ạ

vyle

Thành viên mới
#1
Con chào chú. Chú giúp con đọc xem 2 bài essay này bài nào là thích hợp và hay hơn ạ? Mong chú cho con biết những lỗi con mắc phải để con sửa cho phù hợp. Con cám ơn chú nhiều :6:

Essay 1:
Everyone cherishes dreams and I’m not an exception.
Since childhood, I wished to become an architect. Architecture is an art and science of organizing your space, filing designing buildings. Architecture is also a way to express the freedom of one’s creativity. The most important part of the profession is to have a passion. If there is no passion, then the architect is a machine that produces a series of elaborate work without gratification.

My first inspiration to become an architect is from my uncle – an architect who changed his life by hard work and perseverance. My uncle is the director of a construction office in Tuy Hoa, Vietnam. For everyone, he is a very successful man. But little do people know that behind his success many sweats and tears were shed. Even as an orphan at the age of ten with many obstacles to overcome, both psychological and financial, he never gave up his dream of becoming an architect. Through his years in school, he took on many jobs. He finished high school as a top student in his class and received a scholarship to study architecture in America. He returned after four years and began working as an architect. With talent and dedication, he completed a many projects in our hometown.

Even as a toddler, I was charmed by my uncle’s drawing. I would sit patiently beside him as he turned simple lines into intricate drawings. Those sketches were intoxicating. For many, architecture equals construction – it is arid with a bunch of steel, rulers, compasses, numbers and fully stretched desks to draw on, or moving a mouse continuously on a computer. But that is not what architecture entails. Hidden behind each of these sketches and drawings are stories. For me, the drawings glow with excitement and curiosity. When I was a little older, I shadowed my uncle to understand more about the field of architecture. My childhood is many hours in the library in the afternoon to searching passionately and eagerly when holding the new book or magazine architecture. My childhood is many hours in the evening, sitting alone and become a friend with papers, pencil, ruler, compass. This habit that was ingrained in my blood, in my mind - a habit had name is architecture. As time passed, my passion for architecture only grew stronger.

Now in America, I am constantly fascinated by the massive architectures, big bridges and tall buildings. The lines, drawings, and architectural details are impeccable. I have lived here for 1 year. The language is difficult and is a hindrance for me, but I am determined not to give up. I will continue to strive to achieve my dream. If my uncle could overcome all the obstacles to become a successful architect, why can’t I? Go to the architecture, go to Cornell, I bring a passion and a burning desire to learn and pursue my dreams. In my sense, learning architecture is like playing the piano: initially we will learn how to play, after mastering this rules, we try to forget about them and then we must be plays with our heart and our passion. I believe with hard work and a strong passion, I will bring to this world beautiful and structurally fascinating designs.
 

vyle

Thành viên mới
#2
Ðề: Chú vha08 giúp con coi bài này với ạ

Essay 2:

The majority of us devote all our lives to pursue success, but do we ever stop and wonder what the value of success is? Is it the satisfaction of a job well-done, the perfection with each individual detail of a piece of work? Or is "success" a word to describe a wealthy life? So please take a moment to ponder quietly. Small occurrences in our everyday life will show us that many people reach their successes by simple ways that is quite surprising.

Success is when the father and the son have the courage to go to the kitchen to make the mother a favorite meal on Mother’s day. Maybe the soup is a bit salty, the fish is overcooked, but they have managed to bring a smile to the mother's face. The father and the son are not successful in the kitchen, but they are very successful at showing their love to the mother. The happiness glittering in the mother’s eyes is the testimony to their success. Because for the mother, the gift that she receives from her husband and son is more meaningful than many other precious gifts.

Success is a story about a boy with leg deformities who never walks normally but finally achieves his dream of becoming a soccer player. After all hard-work he puts into practicing and training, he becomes a back-up soccer player of a local team. Unfortunately, he never made it to the official team. But this is not a failure. In contrast, the success is that with vigor and determination he finally overcomes his physical disability and is able to pursue his childhood dream. How many of us can achieve such a success?

Many years ago in my country, Vietnam, the press honored a poor student who scored the highest on the entrance exam for a famous university that often is reserved for the wealthy. For him, that is a great success. But behind his success, there is another success. Quietly but wonderfully, that was the triumph of his father, who rides a cyclo for nearly 20 years to nourish his son and to allow him to go to school. The pride on the father’s face reveals the success he achieves as a father. The day that the son starts his university is also the day that the father graduates from the school of fatherhood.

People always desire to succeed, but if we are blind to the pursuit the success, it is meaningless. Do we want have just enough, or do we want to become a billionaire? So fold our dollar bills carefully and then give them to the old woman begging by the roadside of a third world country. This is the moment we truly succeed because we had helped feed her and her family for a day or two. With this beautiful gesture, we are rich in spirit, but not necessarily in wealth.

Sometimes we also dream of success coming to us such as it comes to Abramovich, the boss of a famous soccer team. But success can be very simple - it is never too far away, we just need to take time to care for our “teams” - that is our families. Here, we can receive the endless love, something that Abramovich never receive from his soccer players. Success will come to people by simple and sweet ways like that!

When we were born, it was a great success of our moms and dads. Our responsibility is to preserve the beauty of this success. I believe there is no failures in life. It only depends on how we view the situation. In order to achieve our dreams, we often encounter many obstacles. But, obstacles are a part of life. To give our best - that's success! My success is when someone reads this small essay and appreciates it. Maybe it doesn't receive a high score, but knowing that I had put a lot of thoughts into this essay and that I have tried my best - for me, it is success!
 
#3
Ðề: Chú vha08 giúp con coi bài này với ạ

When a father and son have the courage to go to the kitchen to make the mother a favorite meal on Mother’s day. Maybe the soup is a bit salty, the fish is overcooked, but they have managed to bring a smile onto the mother's face. The father and the son are not successful in the kitchen, but they are very successful at showing their love to the mother. The happiness glittering in the mother’s eyes is the testimony to their success. As to the mother, the “Loves” that she receives from her husband and son is more meaningful than any other precious gifts.

A story about a boy with leg deformities whom never walks normally but finally achieves his dream of becoming a soccer player. After all hard-work he puts into practicing and training, he becomes a back-up soccer player of a local team. Unfortunately, he never made it to the official team. But this is not a failure. In contrast, the success is that with vigor and determination he finally overcomes his physical disability and is able to pursue his childhood dream. How many of us can achieve such a success?

Many years ago in my country, Vietnam, the press honored a poor student who scored the highest on the entrance exam for a famous university that often is reserved for the rich. For him, that is a great success. But behind his success, there is another success. Quietly but wonderfully, that was the triumph of his father, who rides a cyclo for nearly 20 years to nourish his son and to allow him to go to school. The pride on the father’s face reveals the success he achieves as a father. The day that the son receive his degree, is also the day that the father graduates from the school of fatherhood.

People always desire to succeed, but if we are blind to the pursuit the success, it is meaningless. Do we want have just enough, or do we want to become a billionaire? So fold our dollar bills carefully and then give them to the old woman begging by the roadside in a third world country. This is the moment we truly succeed because we had helped feed her and her family for a day or two. With this beautiful gesture, we are rich in spirit, but not necessarily in wealth.

In order to achieve our dreams, we often encounter many obstacles. But, obstacles are a part of life. To give our best - that's success. This essay, maybe, is not the best essay ever written, but knowing that I had put a lot of effort into it and at least, you finish reading my essay -- to me, it is a success.
Sometimes we also dream of success coming to us such as it comes to Abramovich, the boss of a famous soccer team. But success can be very simple - it is never too far away, we just need to take time to care for our “teams” - that is our families. Here, we can receive the endless love, something that Abramovich never receive from his soccer players. Success will come to people by simple and sweet ways like that!
Not many people in America know who Roman Abramovich is. he maybe the richest person in Russia, however, even Bill Gates cannot compare to: J.P Morgan (King of Wall Street), or Cornelius Vanderbilt (King of Rail Road), or John D. Rockefeller (King of Oil), etc.

The day that the son receive his degree, is also the day that the father graduates from the school of fatherhood.
I, myself very like this


Good job
 

vyle

Thành viên mới
#4
Ðề: Chú vha08 giúp con coi bài này với ạ

Con cảm ơn chú nhiều lắm ạ! Which one do you like better?
 
#5
Ðề: Chú vha08 giúp con coi bài này với ạ

Bài thứ nhất tôi không sửa hay nói tới vì nó quá tầm thường.

Bài thứ 2 chứng minh được:

1 - Khả năng lý luận của cháu cao
2 - Lập luận của cháu rất vững

Hội đồng tuyển sinh và trường muốn nhận những học sinh có tư duy cao vào trường của họ, vì những người này có khả năng học thành tài rất cao.
 

vyle

Thành viên mới
#6
Ðề: Chú vha08 giúp con coi bài này với ạ

Dạ cháu hiểu ý chú rồi ạ. Cảm ơn chú nhiều. Cháu chúc chú và gia đình sức khoẻ!!!