my first essay, please help

cohoaxuhue

Thành viên mới
#1
Cháu mới viết loại này lần đầu nên nó dài lắm với thừa ý lung tung, cháu hy vọng bác có thể giú cháu với. deadline cũng sắp rồi. cháu post trước part 1 &2 thôi a, hy vọng không quá tệ! :2:

What promise would you make to SJR, to yourself, the global community if you were to become our student?

“ What do you want for your birthday darling? A dolly, ok?”
“ No, I want a globe daddy. I want to know how big the world is.”
I still remember those childish words till these days. Although at that time I was only an eight-year-old girl, I definitely did know what I wanted: not a barbie like other girls but a globe. My parents thought this might be a sign for my future career but I did not think such big.
As time goes by, I grew up and was raised in an culturally diverse environment-Hoi An ancient town. Everyday I see so many different people from different countries all over the world. Communicating with them, getting to know more about their culture, their modernization drammatically makes me feel more curious about the big world outside my homeland. Therefore, I usually spend nearly an hour to read about other countries. Each nation has unique beauty. Singapore is famous for its cleaness while France is renowned for wine and perfume. But which I care most about a country is its education system and environment. After a long time searching and thinking, I realise that Canada is definitely my dreaming land because of good reputation in teaching and learning as well as its natural and peaceful beauty. Then, I suddenly remember about my first present at eight and I realise that I’ve got to study in Canada. Once I have that chance, I will live life to fullest of my dream. That is to say, I can assure you that I would make many contributions to SJR. For one thing, I like to do Maths and I think my ability in learning Maths is quite impressive with awards mentioned in section D. Thus, I suppose I can bring other medals in Maths to your school. Furthermore, having chatted with people from all over the world, I believe I can easily get on well with other students in studying, making school projects and help to make people around me become closer. In addition, as a Vietnamese, I also promise to promote the cultural diversity in your school by distinct traditions of an Eastern country.
Above are promises I would keep as an SJR’s student. Regarding to the second part of your question, getting a chance to study in your school is my first promise to my life. For me, learning in such respectful community which inspires academic exellence, creative expression, social responsibility, self-reliance is the best starting point of my life as a hotelier. For one thing SJR has numbers of international students and for another I will have more opportunities to get in touch with many different cultures which helps me to be more sensitive. It means I can know exactly how to talk to visitors to make them feel respected and familiar. Moreover, I am told that your school also organises many co-curricular activities for students to take an active role in which excites me a lot. On these occasions, I can learn how to plan an event, how to manage what I’ve planned and how to be responsible for what I make. I am so happy just imaging that I could gain all of these invaluable skills little by little at your school. Last but not least, through your visual and performing arts, I think I can be educated to a well-rounded person growing both physical and emotional. I reckon that life is a combination of science and arts both of which I need to master to be successful.
p/s: nó giống văn nói quá phải không bác? Bài này là để apply vô 1 high school ở Canada
 
#2
Ðề: my first essay, please help

I grew up and was raised in a culturally diverse environment of Hoi An, an ancient town in Vietnam. Every day I see so many different people from all over the world come to visit Hoi An. Communicating with them, getting to know more about their culture, their modernized country makes me feel more curious about the big world outside my homeland. I usually spend nearly an hour to read about other countries. Each nation has its unique beauty. Singapore is famous for its cleanliness while France is renowned for wine and perfume. But which I care most about a country is its education system. After a long time searching and deliberating, I realize that Canada is definitely my first choice because of its pristine landscapes and St. John’s Ravenscourt school received the highest rating from its students.


(SJR likes to make promises. Some has been kept, many have been broken and it did upset many people. Promises are made to be broken you will make no promise to SJR. Instead, you will show them what you are going to contribute to SJR community. St. John’s Ravenscourt school just like all other catholic schools, place emphasis on Ministry-prescribed curriculum beside general education.
In the body paragraph of the essay, you should write about your academic achievements. Soccer is the main sport of SJR, it is best for you to talk about this kind of activity also. Then you will discuss about SJR Advance Placement programs: AP math, AP sciences, AP English, and challenge economics & technology.
For the conclusion part, summarize your expectation. What you seek from SJR, what you really want from SJR and what you will contribute to SJR.)


The cost of education at SJR is very expensive ($43,000 CAD), and little scholarship award to international student. No payment plan for boarding student, that means your parent must pay all at one time.
 

cohoaxuhue

Thành viên mới
#3
Ðề: my first essay, please help

Chau cam on bac nhieu a.:6: con day la part 3 cua chau, bac doc giup chau voi nhe. No dai qua, chau nghi the, bac giup voi. May cai bac noi chau sua roi gui lai sau bac nhe.
Those experiences gained from your education will definitely make me feel more confident to follow my next 4-years in university studying hotel management. As soon as I finish my education, I think that I will contribute a lot to help promote tourism in my hometown. I want to make money by bringing satisfaction and happiness to tourists. That is to say, more and more international standard resorts will be built which creates more jobs for villagers. Special events will be organized more professionally and recently to satisfy visitors all over the world. This development will lead to the improvement of society: stable income for towners, local services, people’s awareness to conserve the community. Having said that, this is just how I think it will be when I grow up. In fact, there are many risks which can affect negatively to my work. However, I always believe that I can overcome anything because I have a passion for it. To see the delight of my customer is an hornor, to earn enough money for my family is another goal. But what is more important is to use that money to bring smile for the poor. There are a lot of orphans, handicapped children, homeless elder seeking for help in my town. I always want to help them whenever I can. When I was eight, I helped an old woman cross the street. When I was ten, I picked up litter for a cleaner and told my friends to put the crash in garbage bins to reduce her work. When I was seventeen, I taught street children to do Maths. After helping them, I always feel so happy and never want to stop that feeling. But soon I realise that all I can do is just too small simply because it is not sufficient that you only have good spirit and time. Thing which is also essential is money. If I were to have money, I would build more free schools, vocational- training centers for children and nursing home for the elder. By doing this, more orphans will have chance to study; the elder will no longer have to work hard. It is my pleasure to share what I have as God told the rich man: “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor”. In broad terms, this world probably needs more than just one dream like mine to become better
It’s hard for me to say whether all these things are meaningful to you but these words are me. I spent a lot of time to think and write to you while there are only 3 months left to prepare for the biggest examination of my life to university; again, because I have a passion for it. While typing this essay, I always think of a day when I can actually become a part of your school to live and devote. I believe that financial problems just can not prevent me from seeking a chance to go abroad as well as a good way to promote the community. With that big scholarship, I could afford myself to achieve my goal which my parents can never do even in my dreams. I know that issues relating to money are hard to mention but I suppose I should be brave to accept and hope to find a solution for it. I think opportunities are always available for me, that’s why I decided to write this to you.